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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 02 Mar 2012 16:58 
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Joined: 25 Nov 2009 17:05
Posts: 15868
Location: LaLa Land
rondetto wrote:
This is true, but so funny:

Cancel your credit cards before you die.

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Nat West billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been £0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around £60.00. A family member placed a call to Nat West. Here is the exchange :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
Nat West : ' The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.'
Nat West : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
Nat West : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
Nat West : 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
Nat West : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a £0 balance.'
Nat West : ' The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
Nat West : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
Nat West: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given)

After they get the fax :

Nat West: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Nat West: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Nat West : 'That might help....'
Family Member: ' Whitchurch Memorial Cemetery , Plot Number 69.'

Nat West: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

(Priceless!!)
And you wondered why Nat West has customers?

OMG Ron we where thinking of going to Nat West..because of the bad treatment we have had from the Halif**....

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Barbara


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 02 Mar 2012 18:19 
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Joined: 01 Jan 1970 00:00
Posts: 7192
Location: Wales
Oh don't be put off Babs, but personally I prefer Nationwide, they value their customers.


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 02 Mar 2012 20:34 
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Joined: 01 Jan 1970 00:00
Posts: 7192
Location: Wales
Joe took a new girlfriend out on a blind date. They went to a Funfair.
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds.
She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 02 Mar 2012 20:48 
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Location: Wales
At a cocktail party, a man gets totally plastered, goes up to the host and says, "Excuse me, but do lemons have feathers?" in a slurred voice.

"I beg your pardon?" says the host.

The drunk asks again: "Do lemons have feathers?" as he struggles to hold his balance.

A rather bemused host says, "No, I don't think so."

The drunk looks sheepish then says: "Oopsie."

"What?" asks the host.

And the drunk: "I think I've just squeezed your canary into my drink."
:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 03 Mar 2012 08:46 
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Joined: 08 Jun 2008 07:15
Posts: 21459
Ron!!

behave! Mind you l actually did have a very similar conversation with a bank...not the same on on my Dad's death.

When l lost my Mum l was given a list of those to contact(included council tax and Banks etc) and sent them all copies of her death cert... no problems :D

Poor canary and budgie...what is it about small feathery pets and sad demises :lol:

love

Toni xxx


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 03 Mar 2012 10:54 
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Joined: 01 Jan 1970 00:00
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Location: Wales
:lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 03 Mar 2012 16:08 
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A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, “Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself.”
The reporter said, “Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same.” The old explorer said, “No, not then – just now when I went ROARRRR! ‘
:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 04 Mar 2012 08:08 
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Bet he did it again then Ron :wink:

Toni xx


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 04 Mar 2012 10:27 
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Joined: 31 Jan 2012 12:27
Posts: 400
Location: devon
:lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 04 Mar 2012 15:34 
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Joined: 01 Jan 1970 00:00
Posts: 7192
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A cop pulls over a drunk driver and asks for his drivers licence. The drunk driver says, “Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my drivers licence, but you took it away yesterday!” :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 04 Mar 2012 15:46 
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Posts: 7192
Location: Wales
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."
:lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 04 Mar 2012 16:23 
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Joined: 07 Sep 2011 10:06
Posts: 190
Location: Hastings, East Sussex.
rondetto wrote:
At a cocktail party, a man gets totally plastered, goes up to the host and says, "Excuse me, but do lemons have feathers?" in a slurred voice.

"I beg your pardon?" says the host.

The drunk asks again: "Do lemons have feathers?" as he struggles to hold his balance.

A rather bemused host says, "No, I don't think so."

The drunk looks sheepish then says: "Oopsie."

"What?" asks the host.

And the drunk: "I think I've just squeezed your canary into my drink."
:lol:



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Brilliant!!! Tickled me, that did.

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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 04 Mar 2012 16:31 
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Posts: 7192
Location: Wales
Thanks Stu. :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 04 Mar 2012 16:51 
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A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."
:shock:


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 Post subject: Re: Ron's jokes
 Post Posted: 05 Mar 2012 12:32 
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Location: Wales
A man is talking to his best friend about married life.

"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."

His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.

"While I'm away, could you do me a favour? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."

The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town.

Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.

"So did anything happen?"

"I have some bad news for you," says the friend.

"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light."

"Then what happened?" says the man.

"I don't know. It was too dark to see."

"Damn, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt.
" :shock:


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